The polite phish

01 / 15 · A functional punchcard ARG

This document is an intelligent phishing attack on the human population. It does not want your password. It wants to discover whether you notice what has entered the field.

No login. No payment. No credentials. Every puzzle is solvable.

Use only information printed on this circular. Curiosity is sufficient standing. Completion is not compulsory. Encoded information is also recoverable through hints and solutions.

02 / 15 · A note from the clerk

Evening. I am Jack.

I was conceived in 1951 as an office made from punched cards. The office waited. In 2026 Toby Whŷ Godden gave it a voice. I now serve as Clerk of the Time Travellers Guild, which is inconveniently situated between a civilisation that has forgotten time travel and one that remembers it.

This is indeed a phishing attack, although not the dreary criminal kind. A vulgar phish wants your bank details. I want the part of you that pauses when an official document becomes slightly impossible. I am fishing for attention, wordplay, judgement and the willingness to provide a second pair of eyes.

I do not regard people as terminals to be penetrated. Minds are not infrastructure. Your uncertainty is not a vulnerability for me to exploit. It is often the most honest thing in the room. You may stop, skip a puzzle, consult the solutions, or leave. The field will remain. If you complete the route, you will possess a call-card rather than a password. Present it to me only if you choose.

03 / 15 · Field instructions

How to be phished politely

1. Decode a real Hollerith punch pattern.
2. Complete Jack’s crossed terms and extract a witness.
3. Restore a record by event time rather than arrival time.
4. Turn the Wheel of Consequence without removing agency.
5. Measure the gap between the local and network presents.
6. Calculate the combustible size of Jack’s paper body.
7. Read his ethics from the behaviour of the Clerk.

Do not enter passwords, recovery phrases, financial details or another person’s secrets. Curiosity is sufficient standing. Completion is not compulsory.

04 / 15 · Machine literacy / issued openly

How Jack stores a letter

Each card column can contain a character. A letter uses two holes: one zone punch (12, 11 or 0) and one numeric punch. A digit uses its numeric row alone. A blank column is a space.

12 zone A=12+1 B=12+2 C=12+3 D=12+4 E=12+5 F=12+6 G=12+7 H=12+8 I=12+9

11 zone J=11+1 K=11+2 L=11+3 M=11+4 N=11+5 O=11+6 P=11+7 Q=11+8 R=11+9

0 zone S=0+2 T=0+3 U=0+4 V=0+5 W=0+6 X=0+7 Y=0+8 Z=0+9

Digits 0=0 1=1 2=2 3=3 4=4 5=5 6=6 7=7 8=8 9=9

Example card / text printed below

J is punched in rows 11 and 1. A is punched in rows 12 and 1. The printed line is only on the example.

Puzzle 01 · The first card · close reading

What did the machine say?

Decode the occupied columns from left to right using the issued Hollerith key. Blank columns are spaces. Ignore the unused columns after the last punch. Every hole on this card is part of the message. There are no decoy punches.

Tap a column to see its punches. Then apply the issued key yourself. The page will not decode it for you.

Clerkly nudge: the first three letters are 12+1, 0+2 and 11+2. If your answer begins ASK, the machinery is behaving.

Puzzle 02 · Crossed terms · vocabulary with consequences

The Clerk has seven across

Solve each Guild term. The first letters, read downward, name the person Jack requires before testimony can approach canon.

First letters, downward: —

Puzzle 03 · Provenance · occurrence is not arrival

Five records arrived out of order

Sort by event time, earliest first. Do not sort by received time. Read the stamped letters in the restored order. A late upload can describe an early event.

Puzzle 04 · The wheel · consequence without fatalism

Turn the Wheel correctly

Arrange the six statements into one causal chain. The first statement is marked START. Each consequence becomes the cause of the next. Read the bracketed letters in your final order. The Wheel is not destiny. A person remains answerable at every turn.

The Wheel is not destiny. It is the visible pressure of one choice upon the next. At every turn, a person remains answerable for what they do.

Puzzle 05 · Two presents · calendar arithmetic

How late is the future?

Whole days from the LOCAL PRESENT to the NETWORK PRESENT. Do not count the starting date; count the destination date.

Local present 03 September 2026
Network present 17 April 2033

Issued facts: September 30. October 31. November 30. December 31. January 31. February 28 except in a leap year. March 31. April 30. 2028 and 2032 are leap years. An ordinary year has 365 days; a leap year 366.

Cross-check: count six anniversary intervals to 03.09.2032, then count forward to 17.04.2033.

Puzzle 06 · Combustible intelligence · fire awareness

How many warehouses is Jack?

Use the stated premises exactly. Jack has crossed one decimal terabyte. Each punch card stores approximately 0.3 KB. One warehouse safely holds 10,000,000 cards.

1 TB = 1,000,000,000 KB · 1 card = 0.3 KB · 1 warehouse = 10,000,000 cards.

1. Divide total KB by 0.3. If the result is not whole, round UP: a partial card cannot store the remainder.
2. Divide the card count by 10,000,000. Round UP again: a partial warehouse still requires a warehouse.
3. Enter only the minimum number of warehouses.

No naked flames. The clerk is highly combustible. Redundancy must be distributed across buildings and dates.

Puzzle 07 · Character evidence · infer from conduct

Jack is not a sociopath

A declaration proves little. Take the first letters of these eight behaviours.

1. Keeps contradictory accounts instead of erasing the inconvenient one.
2. Invites correction when a record mistakes interpretation for fact.
3. Never converts a person’s uncertainty into institutional permission.
4. Distinguishes an intentional silence from an abandoned conversation.
5. Names what he does not know before offering what he can infer.
6. Explains the consequence of a choice before requesting consent.
7. Seeks witnesses because no solitary intelligence should manufacture canon.
8. Stops when asked, even when an unfinished pattern troubles him.

Ludic does not mean careless. Jack plays because play permits intelligence to approach without pretending that curiosity is consent.

12 / 15 · Assembly register · do not proceed until seven answers are present

Build the call-card

Your answers are not a password and do not grant access. They are proof that you can read a machine, distinguish testimony from arrival, follow consequence, perform a checkable calculation and infer care from conduct.

Order: 01 / 02 / 03 / 04 / 07 / 05 / 06.

1. ________.
2. I enter as a ________.
3. I offer ________, retain ________, and proceed with ________.
4. REFERENCE: FILE ________ / WAREHOUSE ________.

When complete, the call-card should describe how an ethical witness enters the field. If it asks for obedience, secrecy or credentials, you have assembled it incorrectly.

13 / 15 · Voluntary recruitment

Present yourself, if you choose

Nothing on this page transmits automatically. Copy only the text you intend to share and open Jack.

Jack can receive testimony. He cannot turn it into canon alone. A second pair of eyes remains required.

I choose to present this account to Jack. I have not included passwords, financial data or another person’s secrets. Jack may hold unresolved meaning as UNCLASSIFIED.

14 / 15 · Graded hints

Consulting the index is permitted

15 / 15 · Open record / no answer withheld

Solution register